Sometimes we rush to put our thoughts into words, in an argument for example. Even worse, when we don’t need to back up our words with action, for example on social media, we lose a vital opportunity to display integrity. Since much of our communication is non-verbal, how can we use our bodies to strengthen our message and influence those around us by showing them we mean what we say?
Feet. I expect you have heard someone say, “she has a good poker face”. I bet you’ve never heard anyone say, “she has good poker feet”. Because our faces are finely tuned broadcast systems using over 40 muscles to produce universally recognised expressions, many people are adept at concealing their true feelings. This is seldom true of the feet. Our feet will betray what we are really thinking, and most people are totally unaware of how their own feet give them away. You can watch other people’s feet to get an idea of whether they are being honest with you and similarly, learn to use your own feet to signal your intent.
Happy Feet. When a person is feeling happy or excited, they will often perform gravity defying behaviours such as sticking up a thumb, raising their eyebrows or lifting their toes. Children (and some adults) will jump up into the air when they are extremely happy. If a person points their toes up in the air, they have just received some good news or are excited about something. Similarly, feet can signal intimacy. People will automatically move their feet toward someone to whom they are attracted or with whom they identify in some way, such as agreeing with their views or siding with them. You can use this as a subtle gesture to reassure people you know without having to openly declare it.
When a person is uncomfortable, bored or in disagreement, they will move their feet away from the offender. This could be pointing one foot away from the person in a standing conversation, so whilst their face is turned to the other person, their foot is telling the truth. Or it could be withdrawing both feet under a chair away from the person opposite them. Pay attention to this to judge the mood and authenticity of the person you are observing.
Hands. We can use our hands to replace speech entirely. In fact, it may be that fashioning tools from stone with our hands was the evolutionary driver for the complex speech we are capable of today. More on that in a future post. To explore all the potential communication possibilities of our hands would take much more space than I have in this post. Here, I will concentrate on one powerful example of body language using the hands that you can start using today to create more influence in your life.
The Steeple. Steepling your fingers means to bring your fingertips (and thumb) together but not your palms and holding them in front of your body. If you do it just under your nose you will look like an evil scientist from an animated movie, but if you do it a little out in front and lower down, for example when resting your forearms on a table whilst seated, you will project power, wisdom and confidence. Steepling is an extremely powerful example of body language and it will make people listen to you.
Obviously, since you visit this website when you use the steeple to make a point, you will be telling the truth because you Walk the Walk, therefore your words will have even more impact because they will be congruent with your actions.
These are just two examples of how you can increase the value of your speech by using it less but remain a powerful communicator and a shrewd observer of others – moving you closer to your personal goals.
About the author : Edward Baker
Edward Baker is a University Lecturer, Researcher and Strength and Conditioning Coach with over 15 years’ experience working in elite sport.
